two words: eviction party
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
