well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
