In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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