I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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