Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
