mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
