Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
