She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
