One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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