if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
