Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
