once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
