love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
