The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well I just put wine in my tea
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have fence marks all over my body
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
