Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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