I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
