I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
