I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
