I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
