smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
