We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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