I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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