haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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