ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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