Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
