Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
