peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There r osticjed everywhere
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
