So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
