It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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