I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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