can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
