that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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