I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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