Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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