that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
