im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
