just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
