I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
