Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
