I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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