Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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