we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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