You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
