how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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