We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
