addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
