Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
