I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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