I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
