I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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