My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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