Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
