I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont even know how to be here
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
