I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
