So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
