I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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